It's amazing how bumpy at times the road through life can be, and yet how smooth it really all is. The past year and a half have been quite bumpy, and even though it seems many a time that I feel like I'm stuck or going backwards - I'm really not. I have actually been moving forward but a slow pace. I take with me new challenges, desires, and a whole wealth of good and valuable life information.
Over a year ago I wrote out my "goal card" and have read it religiously every day, and carried it close to me every day as well. The time came on September 17th for me to review the card so that I could evaluate the accomplishments to back-up that goal, and determine where the realignment needs to come. In looking back over the year I have definitely grown, but still dealing with emotional, and habitual behavior that needs to be healed so I can truly get past it and achieve my dreams. At least this time around I have a better grip on it, and know what I need to do for myself. I just have to break the obsessive compulsive need to let go of the behavior and emotions so I can feel confident in the change and embrace the benefits of the new path.
Sorry to sound so mysterious, but some things I must keep to myself to protect those I love. I can still share the feelings I have and the lessons I'm learning, without getting into dramatic detail. Needless to say, because of this bumpy road over the past year and a half, my health has somewhat regressed. Not that I don't eat healthy still - because I do! I still am a passionate advocate of eating a diet high in raw and living foods. I truly believe people need to eliminate all the processed foods from their diet as much as possible, in every way possible. When I have had my diet "cheats" they have not been too bad. However, I would prefer I didn't do them as much. I find myself eating these cheats when my energy is low, or my emotions are low -- that's not good! The one health area where I have been suffering the most, has not been so much from my diet, but from my lack of REST, EXERCISE, and MENTAL AND PHYSICAL RELAXATION. You can't be healthy on food alone!
The exercise fell out of my schedule back in December of 2009, and just went to "0" from there. My yoga teacher, for economic reasons, could no longer teach at the rec center I went to. Although there were other classes I could have taken, I preferred her style, and her schedule for my needs. So, I didn't take time to find another class, and basically stopped altogether. I stopped exercising at home, due to lack of interest or being mentally wiped from work and life's challenges. Work has been stressful due to economics, and the seriousness of the financial hardship from the economic climate has taken a big toll on me personally and my family as well. Yet, through all of this, it has actually brought me closer to my family, and to my desires. So even though I've gained back practically all the weight I lost, and even though we are struggling financially to stay afloat - I have so much to be grateful for, and I am!
I still have very good health. Because I do eat a diet high in raw and living food, I have managed to protect myself from a lot of the ailments I suffered from before - I could definitely do better with exercise and rest! Because I do have a job, I'm able to keep our family going, even if it's not as stable as we'd like. Because of my faith in God, and my passion to protect and grow with my family, I am learning ways to better deal with our struggles, and to help bring us all closer to feeling at peace. I'm not saying the challenge is over, or that we are miraculously going to be saved. We still have a lot of work cut out for us, and it's a slow process, that we must be very patient and persistent with. I just know that someday this too shall pass, and we can look back on it and truly appreciate what we have gained from this experience, and what we are benefiting from it now. So, that's why I'm writing about this.
I want you all to know, and I want myself to know, that just because the outside of me looks like I'm down and out, scared and insecure - I'm really not. I'm just going through life's ups and downs, and realigning myself for better things. It can be a slow process. The most important thing is not to force it, or try to control the outcome. Just follow the path before you, always working towards that ultimate goal, that genuine passion, that divine path that makes you stronger, happier, and at peace. I'm on my way. Believe me.
Have a wonderful and grateful life, filled with peace, love and happiness.